The Dead Man's Quatroworld

03/30/25

The issue today is DUDES, and DEATH.. in that order. Much like real life. Let quatroworld alleviate the sting of death with a double feature of special guest columns, exciting graphics, and as you may know, words.

So please , disregard any unfinished business, rest in peace, and enjoy today's publication

Guest column:

Special column from rev. Quatro

It’s bad humor to live too long, I say call it quits when the candles cost more than the cake. There will come a time when you die, and I say die because although people like to say pass away, very few of you will actually pass away. Most of you will die. I have a graph that explains it. If you are stabbed, shot, strangled, or had “final throes,” you did not pass away. In fact, the only people that pass away are old, and since you are a member of the ‘Rebellious Youth’, tough luck. (Evidence of your youth is operating a computer, evidence of your rebellion is visiting this web page)

It is also a good time to mention my special buy-one-get-one-7-percent-off casket sale, for those considering death we offer many casket options including: Mahogany, Oak, Cherry, and Nubby Plywood.

Times is tough being a reverand so I make most of my money through wedding and funeral services, or rather dicey weddings and sudden oh so shocking funerals. Sometimes the same night. When you put morals aside you can really pull in the dough and sustain all that revving.

And when you die don’t be afraid of what they call ‘limbo’, if you go there it can’t be limbo, being there means you’re not in limbo, it would make it a place. If you’re there then you’re no longer limbo. You are at a place. Problem solved

Wow, insightful right? He went to Reverend school for many years to bring you those wise words. Now here's one from another special guest.

Guest column: we're getting spiritual y'all

How would you like it if you're friends only talked to you when they needed something? Now imagine that a billion times over every single day of your life. Hello, I'm God, from God & Sons Woodworks (No longer doing crosses, sorry for the inconvenience.), and I want to talk about your prayers. I have a real problem with these requests, and since I have no one to pray to, I'm writing a column for quatroworld.net.

Can some good Samaritan ask me something normal? Hey god what's your favorite sandwich? Hey god how would a horse wear pants? And I have a name you know? Just because I’m some deity doesn’t mean you can’t be colloquial with me. The name is Huawei. Or something like that. Makes it real hard to remember when nobody says my name for 2,000 years. Really makes a guy feel special. Anyways, the point of today's column is this: I am way more interested in sandwiches than ridding all these 80 year old dudes of cancer. Keep in mind that I invented cancer, and do with that what you will. Speaking of cancer, this is my first public announcement since B.C.E. (A.D. is still too painful.) And he's paying me in publicity. Good lord.

And amen

And viva la quatroworld.

‘Nuff said.

A day in my life

What an amazing day, please enjoy