03/01/25
I decided to reject traditional work, in favor of a free-spirited, boundary-pushing lifestyle. I am announcing my career change, and becoming a wanderer of the earth.Time is money, and I’m right twice a day, in other words: BROKE!!
No more money dollar bills
This came about because I bought all the necessary gear for safe comfortable wandering yesterday, which amounted to roughly all my money, plus the old American tradition of extreme credit card debt. Lucky for me I left that surface level life behind. I also purchased a pet monkey, Wallus. Just me, my lucky monkey paw, and my less than lucky three legged monkey, wandering the earth.
Guest column:
QUATRO'S PIZZA employee testimonial.
I recently started working in the pizza business, and I wanted to clue you in on a few secrets from the job.
SECRET ONE: We hold the world record for deepest dish pizza in the world. At 3 inches across and 700 feet deep, It took 7 days, and contains 7,000 tomatoes aswell as 8,000 pounds of dough. Amazing! It was between that or ending world hunger.
SECRET TWO:
The dough was harvested from a CIA black site years ago, It is self reproducing, fully conscious, capable of surviving extreme temperatures, and now comes in 12 exciting flavors.
SECRET THREE:
If your pizza arrives beyond our 30 minute guarantee, the delivery driver is going straight to hell. Real christian hell, just a policy thing. (special note: Upon third infraction, driver will be sent to Middleton, Ohio instead. This is only for extreme cases.)
SECRET FOUR:
There is a secret free promotion that is valid everyday of the week, and you can get a FREE PIZZA! Do I have your attention? It’s called bring a large firearm day. Also valid at any of our competitors locations.
Quatro's questions
Stay to the end for more exclusive secrets, please enjoy