Setting the record Straight

02/14/25

Put your pride flags at half mass today fellas, I am setting the record straight.

This just in: I regret to inform you, that the above is not the topic at hand today. I forgot an idea I had, I was gonna write this whole thing based on a god given idea that came to me, and I forgot it. I really blew it. I really messed it up this time. Oh gosh. Oh golly.

I wish I could remember what I was going to write about. Maybe it about the butler who hand delivers my emails. But it’s in poor taste to write about your own employees. Maybe it was my inventions. My machine that can never win a coin flip, my big lever that makes the world's ghost population visible, or possibly my apathy ray, I never cared much about what that one did.

Under all this junk, I think I found what today's article would have been about: my new vacuum, which has four cyclonic range and a high-capacity dust bag. Oh behave. It seems this was going to be the Valentine’s Day issue.

Well it sure is a strange world out there, good night and good luck

Guest column:

My diet is 90 percent aphrodisiacs. I am a beast. I am severely deficient. I could be bested by a stiff wind. Who better to host this Valentine’s Day column than me, Johnny Love? (phd pending.) I want to walk you through the three stages of love or, as they say, life. Lets go on a learning journey my little lovebirds.

Girl meet quatroworld

ON LOVE

love is a many wild thing. Mi amors I must say that love is very important. You need to feel love, or else you'll likely end up in a government position. Though I must say love means something different to everyone. It can be between a handsome young man and a beautiful young lass, a handsome young lass and a beautiful young man, or a ranch hand and a jersey cow. The latter is called animal husbandry.

MIDDLE STAGES

Ah.. old love. Warms my heart.

Where as young love was spent serenading or in the backseat of a used chevrolet, the middle years are a great time to realize you should have perhaps spent your time doing something more productive. Maybe you could have picked up woodworking. Or ventriloquism. Would have been better than that no good ex boyfriend of yours.
That’s another old adage, if someone is on good terms with their ex, they are a mutant and should be excommunicated immediately.

DEATH

You can promise your life to your love, but sometimes you just need a little alone time. To every great love, death is sure to be the ending.
Stabbing out your eyes is a tride and true ending to a bad love story -editor

Last weeks video: Offense Attorneys

I realize now there has been an exporting issue I did not catch. Or two. Or three. A professional grade whoopsie daisy. Please enjoy these images as condolences.